Monday, 16 March 2009
Since the dawn of time, many a wise man has asked himself, "Why do women insist on plastering their faces with paint?"
From the Anglobitch perspective, it is clear that most Anglo-American women believe that painting their pinched, squash-alley faces will make them more alluring. Anglo-American females frequently apply cherry-red smiles to their muffin lips; eye-shadow to accentuate their piggy eyes; and, last but not least, blusher to hide their deathly pallor. Now, which corporate celebrity also decorates himself this way?
You got it: Ronald MacDonald.
Who told these cretins that resembling a cheese-burger vending clown would make them look attractive? It must have been the same person who told them that pachyderm Permatans or bottle-blonde hair are alluring: a complete idiot, probably blind.
However, although this 'Ronald Look' might be a (failed) attempt to hide the Anglobitch's true appearance, in fact it reveals her. For the Anglobitch is truly a figure of fun.
At thirty, used and dried up, struggling with sociopathic kids fathered by long-departed, knuckle-dragging losers ('Bad Boys!'), the Anglobitch is a clown in all but name. She trawls the dating sites, looking for Mr Solvent to rescue her: but Mr Solvent is single, free and childless (and probably banging fresh young chicks every night). All the Anglobitch has to offer is her shrivelled cunt, a burden of debt, three fuck-wit kids and high-maintenance expectations.
Mmmmm, I'm lovin' it! Is it any wonder Anglo-American marriage rates are at an all-time low?