Thursday, 6 August 2009
Let us consider the online diary of multiple murderer George Sodini before proceeding to analyze events:
December 24, 2008:
Moving into Christmas again. No girlfriend since 1984, last Christmas with Pam was in 1983. Who knows why. I am not ugly or too weird. No sex since July 1990 either (I was 29). No —-! Over eighteen years ago. And did it maybe only 50-75 times in my life. Getting to think that a woman now would just, uh, get in the way of things. Isolated. I have extra money and enjoy traveling, too, wtih my 25-30 days of vacation. LA was the best! But going alone is not too fun. Invited to a party on Christmas day tomorrow. Seems about 15-25 people will actually show. I like her parties; I can meet new people and talk. Got the next 8 days off. I should have exit plan done and practiced by then. I know nothing will change, no matter how hard I try or what goals I set.
December 28, 2008:
Glad I stayed around. All these days off are great. I will shoot for Tuesday, January 6, 2009, at maybe 8:15. I have list of to-do items to make.
December 29, 2008:
Just got back from tanning, been doing this for a while. No gym today, my elbow is sore again. I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne – yet 30 million women rejected me – over an 18 or 25-year period. That is how I see it. Thirty million is my rough guesstimate of how many desirable single women there are. A man needs a woman for confidence. He gets a boost on the job, career, with other men, and everywhere else when he knows inside he has someone to spend the night with and who is also a friend. This type of life I see is a closed world with me specifically and totally excluded. Every other guy does this successfully to a degree. Flying solo for many years is a destroyer. Yet many people say I am easy to get along with, etc. Looking back, I owe nothing to desirable females who ask for anything, except for basic courtesy – usually. Looking back over everything, what bothers me most is the inability to work towards whatever change I choose.
December 30, 2008:
While driving I radio surfed to a talk show. The caller was a 30ish black man who was describing the despair in certain black communities. According to him, life is cheap there because you are going to die anyway when you get old. It is the quality of life that is important, he said. If you know the past 40 years were crappy, why live another 30 crappy years then die? His point was they engage in dangerous behavior which tends to shorten the lifespans, to die now and avoid the next 30 crappy years, using my example. The host got sarcastic and ended the call instead of trying understanding his point. Agreement wasn’t necesary. I put music back on. But it was an interesting, and useful point for me to hear.
December 31, 2008:
My anger and rage is largely gone since I began lifting weights. Lifting drains me but I still have energy. Somebody else suggested running but that did not help me. I guess strenuous exercise is necesary for a man. So I just learned that now at 48. Maybe 30 years later than I would have liked. My dad never (not once) talked to me or asked about my life’s details and tell me what he knew. He was just a useless sperm doner. Don’t know why, find it fun talking to young kids when I visit someone. Brother was actually counter-productive and would try to embarase me or discourage my efferts when persuing things, esp girls early on (teen years). Useless bully. Result is I am learning basics by trial and error in my 40s, followed by discuragement. Seems odd, but thats true. Writing all this is helping me justify my plan and to see the futility of continuing. Too embarassed to tell anyone this, at almost 50 one is expected to just know these things. I hope it doesn’t snow on Tuesday. Just thought of that. The crowd will be thin so I would postpone. —-!
January 5, 2009:
Was at the gym to lift. Very crowded. Tomorrow should be good. There is a woman there that gives me a certain look every time I am there. I decided to walk over and make a comment about the crowds but she left when I finished the exercise. Better that I do not get sidetracked from tomorrow’s plan anyways. Life is just playing games. One or two dates with her, then the end. No matter how many changes I try to make, things stay the same. Every evening I am alone, and then go to bed alone. Young women were brutal when I was younger, now they aren’t as much, probably because they just see me just as another old man. I see twenty something couples everywhere. I see a twenty something guy with a nice twentyish young women. I think those years slipped right by for me. Why should I continue another 20+ years alone? I will just work, come home, eat, maybe do something, then go to bed (alone) for the next day of the same thing. This is the Auschwitz Syndrome, to be in serious pain so long one thinks it is normal. I cannot wait for tomorrow!
January 6, 2009:
I can do this. Leaving work today, I felt like a zombie – just going thru the motions. Get on the bus, get the car, drive home…..My mind is screwed up anymore, I can’t concentrate at work or think at all. This log is not detailed. It is only for confidence to do this. The future holds even less than what I have today. It is 6:40pm, about hour and a half to go. God have mercy. I wish life could be better for all and the crazy world can somehow run smoother. I wish I had answers. Bye.
May 4, 2009:
I was so eager to do this last year. The big problem on my mind now is that my job will end soon. One project is being transistioned to another. The other one I am solely responsible, but is being fast tracked to production. I estimate maybe a month. I am not ready for the job market. I am ok what I do, a .NET software developer. Not at the top of the class, but I do a good job. I survived two general layoffs and other little layoffs they are having but keeping quiet about. I hear things.
The problem is I feel too good now to do this but too bad to enjoy life. I know I will never enjoy life. This is an over 30 year trend. Some people are happy, some are miserable. It is difficult to live almost continuously feeling an undercurrent of fear, worry, discontentment and helplessness. I can talk and joke around and sound happy but under it all is something different that seems unchangable and a permanent part of my being. I need to realize the details of what I never accomplished in life and to be convinced the future is merely a continuation of the past – WHICH IT ALWAYS has been. I am making a list of items that will provide motivation to do the exit plan, it won’t be published. I always had hope that maybe things will improve especially if I make big attempts to change my life. I made many big changes in the past two years but everything is still the same. Life is over. Even though I look good, dress well, well groomed – nails, teeth, hair, etc. Who knows.
What is it like to be dead? I always think I am forgetting something, that’s one reason I postponed. Similar to when you leave to get in your car to go somewhere – you hesitate with a thought: “what am I forgetting?”. In this case, I cannot make a return trip!
I like to write and talk. Ironic because I haven’t met anybody recently (past 30 years) who I want to be close friends with OR who want to be close friends with me. I was always open to suggestions to what I am doing wrong, no brother or father (mine are useless) or close friend to nudge me and give it bluntly yet tactfully wtf I am doing wrong. A personal coach or someone who knows what he is doing would be perfect. Money is highly secondary for a solution.
June 5, 2009:
I was reading several posts on different forums and it seems many teenage girls have sex frequently. One 16 year old does it usually three times a day with her boyfriend. So, err, after a month of that, this little — has had more sex than ME in my LIFE, and I am 48. One more reason. Thanks for nada, b—-! Bye.
July 23, 2009:
Wow!! I just looked out my front window and saw a beautiful college-age girl leave Bob Fox’s house, across the street. I guess he got a good lay today. College girls are —-. I masturbate. Frequently. He is about 45 years old. She was a long haired, hot little hottie with a beautiful bod. I masturbate. Frequently. Some were simply meant to walk a lonely path in life. I don’t usually look out, but just happened to notice. Holy —-. I have masturbated since age 13. Thanks, mum and brother (by blood alone). And dad, old man, for TOTALLY ignoring me through the years. All of you DEEPLY helped me be this way.
I wish I can go back to 1975 and fix things. Awe, that wont work, big BULLY BROTHER would assert his —-. He was twice my size. He never messed with guys bigger than 5′10, or so. He is a —- at heart. Remember, Michael is my brother (we have common parents, that’s all) is still a BOSS. Repetition only for emphasis: HE IS ONLY A BULLY, even at 50ish! Never forget that! Because he exudes confidence. People believe —- if delivered WITH CONFIDENCE. Get it??
On the same thought, things occured to me today. Michael NEVER had an attractive girlfriend. Debbie, Barb, Kim, … then I lost track. Not to say I had any (execpt Pam, who was about a 7.25). He married a Chinese-descent, petite woman with no body, no —-, no chest and no personality. She never laughs or smiles, neither does he. But she is highly intelligent and an excellent cook. I can testify to that! She home bakes her own DELICIOUS wheat bread! But who cares about that type of small bull crap? Mike even mentioned when we were visiting dad that “she’s not very attractive”.
August 2, 2009:
The biggest problem of all is not having relationships or friends, but not being able to achieve and acquire what I desire in those or many other areas. Everthing stays the same regardless of the effert I put in. If I had control over my life then I would be happier. But for about the past 30 years, I have not
August 3, 2009: I took off today, Monday, and tomorrow to practice my routine and make sure it is well polished. I need to work out every detail, there is only one shot. Also I need to be completely immersed into something before I can be successful. I haven’t had a drink since Friday at about 2:30. Total effort needed. Tomorrow is the big day.
Unfortunately I talked to my neighbor today, who is very positive and upbeat. I need to remain focused and absorbed COMPLETELY. Last time I tried this, in January, I chickened out. Lets see how this new approach works.
Maybe soon, I will see God and Jesus. At least that is what I was told. Eternal life does NOT depend on works. If it did, we will all be in hell. Christ paid for EVERY sin, so how can I or you be judged BY GOD for a sin when the penalty was ALREADY paid. People judge but that does not matter. I was reading the Bible and The Integrity of God beginning yesterday, because soon I will see them.
I will try not to add anymore entries because this computer clicking distracts me.
Also, any of the “Practice Papers” left on my coffee table I used or the notes in my gym bag can be published freely. I will not be embarased, because, well, I will be dead. Some people like to study that stuff. Maybe all this will shed insight on why some people just cannot make things happen in their life, which can potentially benefit others.
1. Probably 99% of the people who know me well don’t even think I was this crazy. Told by at least 100 girls/women over the years I was a “nice guy”. Not kidding.
2. Lee Ann Valdiserri had my baby in early 1991. Haven’t seen her since she was about four months into it. I knew her sister, Chris, from high school.
3. Net worth slightly more than $250K, (after all debt) as of end of 2008.
4. Death Lives!
A crucial feature of these harrowing entries is how the conventionally successful, white middle class male in the Anglo-American social context wanders about baffled why women remain indifferent to him, while sociopaths and narcissists (in common parlance Jailbirds, Assholes, Morons, Killers and Bums - JAMCABs to their friends) spend most of their lives beating off Anglocunts with a stick. This is a direct result of allowing unsanctioned expression of female sexuality, since the human female's natural preference is for these gamma types. In other words, the white middle-class male is expected to use his intellect to keep society running for the sake of these ne'er do wells, while suffering continual ridicule and casual contempt from them. Is it any wonder guys like Sodoni explode? It is well-demonstrated that women prefer sociopathic males of low intelligence, and the current NAMWO (New Anglo Matriarchal World Order) has institutionalized this preference. In consequence, productive, intelligent males are considered necessary stooges for the maintenance of the techno-economic infrastructure while being denied any existential reward. Inferior female intelligence coupled with the trend of assortative mating means such males have little chance of finding a suitable partner, leading to unfortunate massacres like this. Since NAMWO is directly responsible, it can hardly disclaim responsibility for the results.
It is also notable that the killer points out the inherent misandry of young Anglo-American women:
Young women were brutal when I was younger, now they aren’t as much, probably because they just see me just as another old man. I see twenty something couples everywhere. I see a twenty something guy with a nice twentyish young women. I think those years slipped right by for me. Why should I continue another 20+ years alone? I will just work, come home, eat, maybe do something, then go to bed (alone) for the next day of the same thing. This is the Auschwitz Syndrome, to be in serious pain so long one thinks it is normal. I cannot wait for tomorrow!
This chimes perfectly with the Anglobitch Thesis. When women are young (in their teens and twenties), they control sex as a valuable resource. This is why wives murdered by jilted husbands are usually young - the reproductive resources they control are at their maximum value. As women age, they become 'mellower' as they have no longer have a high value sexuality to bargain with ("I'm everybody's friend!"). Indeed, after 28 their sexual value drops sharply, which is why so many Anglo women experience an existential crisis at this age (I'm sure we're all crying into our Doritos over that - not). Essentially, older Anglo women are tigresses whose teeth and claws have been pulled - they once used sex as a weapon, but age disarmed them. However, in youth they can be maximally cruel and get away with it. No doubt Sodini had experienced this first hand and wanted revenge. In fact, it is entirely obvious that most Anglocunts actually HATE MEN. This is studiously concealed by the Anglo media, but is a self-evident fact. The puritanical, repressive undercurrent of Anglo culture inherently victimizes men as sexual beings, and the Anglobitch is quick to buy into this misandrist cult.
Many come to this Blog demanding proof that the Anglo-American world is puritanical. Here it is: Sodini spent his entire life looking for a 'Soul Mate', suffering over a decade of sexual abstinence for his pains. The answer to his problem was obvious, but cultural repression prevented him from pursuing it. With his high disposable income, he could have easily hired a couple of fresh young whores and banged the artificially-enhanced tits off them. Women have little to offer an intelligent man beyond their bodies (sparkling conversation on Lee's strategic aims before Gettysburg is hardly an option), yet this man clung to an absurdly idealistic vision of Anglo-American women that ultimately wrecked his life. These puritanical Anglo delusions were the true source of his melancholic displeasure.
Another important theme in Sodini's writings is his delusional view of Anglo-American women. He seems to have nurtured his romantic imagination on the Sex and the City fantasies propagated by Anglo feminists. In fact, serious sexual researchers like Professor Glenn Wilson - along with other other sociobiological thinkers like Steven Pinker of MIT - broadly concur in arguing that Anglo women are largely frigid and have far less interest in sex than the feminist media likes to pretend. Sodini seems to have thought that young Anglo-American women were enormously interested in sex, when the reality is totally different: the Anglobitch is a cold, frigid creature who barters sex for economic reward. Indeed, Sodini's experience of women was actually quite normal and representative, not idiomatic in the least. It occurs to me that males should receive elementary training in the Anglobitch Thesis and sociobiology at school. This would give them a far more honest, realistic view of women and sexuality that would stand them in good stead in adult life. Breaking unrealistic expectations as young as possible is healthier in the long run. Young American men would waste no time on Anglo harpies, but would be on foreign dating sites from their early teens.
Sodini's Massacre and his obvious existential torment leads to another, deeper question: Is American Exceptionalism fading? Is America still the country where people can achieve their dreams and ambitions through hard work and ability? Maybe American is now sufficiently ‘mature’ as a culture to have the same problems as other western societies - such as a trans-generational socio-political elite, for instance, or widespread alienation. Great Traditionalist thinkers like Spengler, Yockey, Guenon and Evola all argue that as any culture develops, it goes through a cycle of youth, maturity and decline. Until the late Twentieth century, the United States was incomparably classless, optimistic and energetic. Recently, those qualities seem to have vanished from American life, replaced by anger, alienation and despair. No doubt the rise of the Anglobitch is at the root of this, or at least a symptom of it – patriarchy is intimately and inextricably linked to a ‘rising’ culture, while matriarchy arises in the period of its decline, hastening the end. From the standpoint of the Anglobitch Thesis and the NAMWO Agenda, it is likely that the puritan tone of Anglo-American culture has hastened the rise of matriarchy, so something that would normally occur over centuries has taken place in decades. Sodini's massacre is just another expression of this cultural collapse.
When males are culturally ostracized and systematically dehumanized by the social order, there is no incentive for them to conform to prevailing conduct restrictions. In particular, their capacity for kindness to women and children naturally evaporates. Around 25% of American males are now single and sexually disenfranchised, a vast army of potential malcontents. Since the breakdown of monogamy since the late Sixties, serial killing and mass murder have grown considerably. It is inviting to think these crimes are products of male alienation caused by increased singleness and reproductive disenfranchisement among Anglo-American males. For an activist observing the Anglosphere through detached eyes, the revolutionary potential of this situation looks truly inspiring.